Blu

A couple things about me that have changed since last year, I'm stronger in some ways and not so much weaker in others but...I want to spend more time on them. I have lost a lot of weight and stopped dying my hair somewhat, and I'm not so afraid of making mistakes anymore, (except for handing in essays on time). I would however like to spend more time on myself. Actually make my creative ideas and ambitious thoughts happen! As well as the things a soon to be twenty year old should do...
Also, my birthday was depressing last year and I won't let that happen again, and I'm going to get my nails did with some girls! :]

Also, I've decided to start speaking like Ke$ha, because I love hurr, though in an interview, the way she spoke of music and her love for it was very different from what her songs are in reality...

xx

Liesborn 2008

Reading Rebus

let's see if you can get this...

I don't think there is a rebus to show my excitement...well...maybe...

tell me if you got it and i'll arrange a prize! ;] xx

Trenchant Toilets

Why are bathrooms so appropriately philosophical?

the lovely and unforgettable Cafe Muse. Sf.

Call it off

There's a chance
I'll start to wonder

If this was the thing to do

Maybe I would have been

Something you'd be good at

Maybe you would have been

Something I'd be good at

But now

We'll never know

Skaga

Skins and Gaga...Bring on the weekend! xx

Things I

Things I like right now:

• dijon mustard
• sharpening coloured pencils
• pink tulips
• when babies smile
• when babies laugh
• drinking juice boxes
• wearing earrings again
• my new little black dress
• garlic bread
• travel guides
• my new love of shiny things
• brown eyeshadow liner
• apple cinnamon cheerios
• ironic german verbs like "Ich habe geblogt.'
• awkward german words like 'manschaft' or 'dudelsack'.
• 90210
• chocolate from a friend comforting you
• completing essays
• my body
• toasted almonds
• how tears are warm on your skin
• waking up in sunshine
• vanilla ice cream with strawberries
• the rubbery smell of hot water bottles
• new socks
• brownies, hot or cold
• written proof of a friend caring about you
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt
• felt tip pens
• the library
• a whole bag of bbq crispers
• reading graphic novels
• how there are ten different foods on here...

Two oh

Dearest Blog,
I will be twenty in precisely one month.

Why do I dislike birthdays so much? What should I do? Alone on my birthday, where do I go? Why do I feel like I'm turning sixteen again? No matter how much I've accomplished, I always feel like I've done nothing.

Shut the fuck up and pull yourself together. This is your chance.

One thing is for sure...I'm terrified.

xx

Pit

The sun is so bright out today, warming my skin, dancing on my fingers. But I am numb inside, broken and twisted and torn and I don't know what to do. I've lost my grip on everything and I don't know how I will get it back. If I don't take control of my life again, I might not ever. I don't do my work, all I do is sleep, I miss my appointments, I don't do anything to please my personal interests, there is no effort in anything...something needs to be done. And now the biggest part of my life, that was helping me find my way has gone and left me and I don't know what to do. I'm just a chef's salad of emotions with the most confusing vinaigrette that's ever been bottled. I need to take action, things need to change and work and most of all, I need you back.

I hate how depressing this note sounds but blogs like these can't always be sunshine and bunnies because this is life. Things happen and you can't have the light without the darkness. 

i do want to be with him

he's changed my life for the better

he's given me things i didn't think i ''deserved''

he's convinced me of how great life can be and how i can do anything
and I want to share  it all with him

 - thats amazing

 I wish he'd believe me when i said it 

xx

Bridges

how did we get here? to this point of living...

How I survived NYC...

Waste

I hid in the New York Public Library that Saturday, it's a complicated story, but I went to the bathroom and saw this tap, which had no purpose whatsoever, basically a waste of space. Wasting time is a fear of mine, yet sometimes I feel like I don't really do enough to prove myself wrong. Let's work on that...

Getting an MRI scan today, whilst watching 500 Days of Summer, and then a Neurocognitive assessment. I don't know what you're supposed to say to that...

xx

Must be funny

See what I did there? Yes...a new layout. Let's try you on for size...I've realized a few things this month and I feel like I'm getting closer to the things I want and want to be. Funny how the moment you actually dedicate yourself to consciously save money, all these random fees and fines and expensive drinks pop up. Though I consider myself rather lucky because I usually find at least a penny each day and have learnt how to save. When my jar is full I'll cash it in and see how much I've got. Luckily I've got some income coming in for the next weeks, though I'm not a big spender anyways. I'll be saving up for summer! We'll see how it goes... xx

Trudge

It is now 8:08pm and I am not yet done this essay.

I just want to sleep and pretend everything is okay.

Ugh. xx

Parrots

It's 2:22pm and my essay is still not complete.

...Il me faut un peu de musique pour me mettre en garre...

I have soooo many fricking clothes, yet I never really make the time to get dressed and when I do, I feel like I always have nothing to wear.

But I've heard this is a common female dilemma.

Clubbing last night made me realize I need more shoes, if not more appropriate and different ones. I've decided that in a couple weeks times, I'll give myself a spending limit and go shopping but not before I eliminate more things from my closet, and also make more space...

In any case, am going rambo and doing some laundry and giving my bathroom a well needed scrub and such before returning to my essay.

Paul heard that plane ticket prices are updated Sunday at midnight, so I'll have to organize myself tomorrow night to see whether the price for the flight I want will go up or down.

Do you like comics? I like comics, more so graphic novels and I can't wait for the time to start reading again! The pile on my bedside table reaches my hip bone :] Also, have removed music box from my blog as it wasn't very useful, and if anything, annoying for anyone unwarned about turning down their speakers.

Generally feeling better about things, but still need to get this essay out of the way!!!

xx

Mets and Ices

It was beautiful on Tuesday, the weather was really great and we strolled through Central Park. It's funny sometimes when you're in a place that you've heard so much about and seen so much about, sometimes you're in awe and sometimes you have no reaction, sometimes you feel as if you were supposed to be there or atleast are accepted by that place, like it's some secret society that you are a part of.

As we sat on the Met steps, with my kooky knee and his stubborn stomach, we discussed Ice Cream and how the Ice Cream from the Ice cream trucks are perhaps what Ice Cream is really about and really reminds me of summer. I admit I've been spoiled in the Ice cream department, my grandmother, whom I'd usually go to after school each day for a snack, upgraded from the still acceptable Neopolitan brown, white and pink variety to other kinds. I've also been spoiled with my Sicilian heritage and it's amazing ices...yet somehow, the generic Ice Cream truck chocolate or vanilla, or twist, dipped or not, will always be close to my heart and remind me of good memories. I was happy that afternoon, al beit in pain, eating the cones with Paul on the steps of the Met and maybe next time I hear the jingle and run down the street to get my cone, I'll remember the happiness I found in that perfect moment.

I love you. xx

Noo Yawk

I promise to update soontimes about NYC and everything nice, once the hectic ides of March of passed me by. Got one more essay to get through and a party at the Tattoo Parlour in Kensington. Then I'm going crazy spring cleaning mode on the weekend. I wish I could clone myself so my clone could do something productive also, like read a book that I've been meaning to read for over 3 years now, and then we could unclone and the acquired knowledge would be combined into my brain...*sigh* I miss reading for fun. Though I'm pretty excited, the author of 'If no one speaks of remarkable things" - Jon McGregor is coming to speak to us all the way from Nottingham tomorrow. Better get some sleep xx

Cassie Bus

Stressful times call for Desperate measures...?

I'M ON A BUS!

Headed to New York City :]

I'm freaking out, but I'm okay, and I made 2 friends in line which is probably a first, but now here we are and we're craving fries and everything is okay. I'll keep you updated. Just an hour or so till the border...

Am I crazy?

Got through the border, watching How I met your Mother and Anthony Bourdain clips on my laptop whilst working on my essay a little bit. Also, this girl I met Hannah is sharing all her food with us, AMAZING, and she's got hummus!

Will nap soon, take care. xx

Both these people disappeared once I got to the station. I hope they're having a great time in NYC.

xx

Wednesday

So many things to do and yet writing a blog entry???

1. make yourself lunch
2. prepare for hot yoga sesh with Madeline
3. followed by open mic night at the Cats Eye
4. leave note for mom so as not to worry
5. make a note of a typical toiletry bag
6. copy sociology notes
7. catch up on sociology readings
8. catch up on french + english books
9. start packing for NYC + camera ready
10. check out guide some more
11. get ticket information ready
12. get bus terminal info ready
13. get hotel information ready
14. American cash?
15. return TShirt to Bluenotes
16. whilst at Mall, check out cellphone plans
17. fill out SWAP or Work Visa information
18. breathe.
19. give room a clean

I think that'll do for now...on to that sandwich...

Buttercup

Dear me,

stop procrastinating!!

I'm going to a secret destination Friday night, here is a hint, Grande Pomme, and in the mean time I NEED to catch up, but what I am doing? Putting off work due in like 3 hours and watching episodes of How I met your Mother... The sky is blue and it makes me smile, I feel a lot better, though I keep waking up with really painful muscles so my doctor's appointment tomorrow should hopefully clear it all up.

However I am slightly freaked out. I like to imagine myself as a jet setter, as a nomadic gypsy, but who am I kidding, I'll have to pack for four nights worth and spend several hours on buses and if I can't even come up with an impromptu presentation, who knows how this will go. BUT WHO CARES, it's going to be amazing!

Things are going to go well soon, I know it. As long as I concentrate on what I need to do. And I just got a job offer out of the blue which makes me happy, though I'll keep looking for a real job, there are few places I still want to apply. I need to save my pennies for the amazing summer I am looking forward too.

• Magnolia Cupcakes
• Times Square
• Greenwich Village
• Central Park/Zoo?
• Broadway?
• Soho
• Park avenue
• Macys
• little italy, chinatown
• liberty statue?
• meat packing district
• empire state
• wtc memorial?
• radio city music hall
• top of the rock, rockefeller plaza
• Carnegie hall?
• foooooooooooood - pizza and cheesecake :]

My Skin

I have been bedridden since Sunday.

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.

I feel like I've wasted away and missed out on my life/the first days of March.

And the weather is [somehow] so nice all of a sudden, a friend of mine went so far as to organize his Parkour meets downtown already. What happend while I was asleep?? Did Global Warming say:

''Oh Goody! She's paralyzed...let's melt all the snow while she's incapable of going out to feel the sunshine on her skin, and all the people can go have fun while she shivers and sweats in her duvet...[evil global warming laugh i'm assuming would go here].

Can you tell I'm ill? If you could see my face, which I pray to Alanis you can't, you would think I was 80, though I think I'll look much better when I'm 80...Actually, I'm pretty certain of it.

Sad to say, the other day I took a cue from my cat and dragged my useless body to the ground where I lay with a patch of sunshine in my face. Cat's are smarter that you think...okay, let's not get into that again.

I hope the weather stays, I don't feel like wearing big coats ANY-MORE! Usually when I'm sick I somehow have the urge to clean EVERYTHING, which NEVER happens. And considering I hadn't been actually ill since...like 2008 and packed, unpacked and moved two dreadful times...my surroundings are still a big mess, but they're getting better!! I promise! I've been following the one in two out rule I made up.

BASICALLY like watched way too many episodes of Skins, which is up and down. But I think I've pulled a Madonna and started "speaking" 'English'. I wonder what my sexy brit man would think of that...

I promise I'll make it up to you life, I do...and hopefully soon your lips will be graced by the lovely newly arrived Dark Cherry Mocha...mmm

x cheerz mate!