Where is my mind?

'be yourself, everyone else is already taken' O.Wilde

Oh dear, another unupdated blog, what have I become?

Life is hectic lately (I feel like I say that way too often) but perhaps life will forever be hectic. I'm loving school, I really am, but I'm so behind on readings and half my textbooks haven't even arrived from Amazon yet!! My new classes include Geology, which despite only attending one lecture so far, I am enjoying. Also, Contemporary Europe, the professor is great and I feel good about it. We also get to read very interesting novels such as Orwell's Homage to Catalonia, and Art Spiegelman's Maus! And guess what! I'm directing a play! So exciting, I hope it goes well. It is actually a competition in a drama festival and mine will be performed February 17th.It is interesting to me how one thing leads to another, if you don't take chances you will never learn and never find new facets to your world. I'm the kind of person who loves all knowledge and will soak up whatever you throw at me because I love knowing. Knowledge is definitely powerful but it's also pretty awesome. What I would like right now though is for time to stop a minute so that I can catch up. I feel like I can understand and relate to people who complain about things moving too fast nowadays, techonology going too quickly (how the hell am I supposed to use Twitter??) and there being no more concept of "il bel far niente" that doesn't include staring aimlessly at a refreshing Facebook page or watching the Jersey Shore (more on that later..). Perhaps I'm just overwhelmed with school and with directing and no sense of a Quo Vadis, iCal or Agenda will help me organize. My room is a disaster zone and I need time to clean it because I feel it is a direct representation of my brain. I'm going to purchase a laundry basket hamper thing and make a dramatic clean-sweep of my closet. I saw the new Spring Collection at H&M and my heart smile because I really love fashion but rarely take the time to incorporate it into my life. When I wake up in the morning, I rarely go so far as to delve into accessories or do something special with my hair. I end up wearing the same 12 things and I've only recently acquired a second pair of somewhat fashionable boots. I'm in love with the stripes, the gladiator sandals and the colours and rough cotton. But alas, that is so materialistic! and why spend so much time and money on clothes and shoes when I could be spending it on experiences? And why not save your clothing purchases for when you have a job that requires respectable, expensive looking clothing? Oh shut up. I deserve to buy something for myself once in awhile. But only when I've discarded a basket full first. Since my mother has returned, things have been very different and I can't quite put my finger on it. However, she seems to have plenty of dreams about returning back to Italy and living there permanently, an idea I'm not 100% opposed too, despite leaving all my friends and loved ones. While I finish up University, I would have to find 1-2 flatmates, how exciting would that be? There's a lot I still have to experience that I've only gotten a tiny taste of so far. Frankly, I think life is beautiful. We are put on this earth why? to procreate really, that's all we're actually here for, to have lots and lots of healthy babies who will someday have their own. But we're not so simple us humans, we want more than that. And people's ambitions can get quite big. I don't want to be in the same city my whole life, I want to see other people's cities, I want to experience as much as possible before I die and most of all I want to be happy. I want a job I love because what's the point of being miserable for the rest of your life?! You don't gain special V.I.P. access to heaven, if it exists. Find what you love and do it. I understand that it's not so easy for everyone, and if you have kids you can't leave them with nothing because you decided to hitchhike across India, but every decision you make will leave you with a handful of results and decisions that make you who you are.The other day I noticed a friend of mine wrote this on her Facebook "Handle everything with Grace". At first, I wanted to comment and tell her how lovely and appropriate that quote was to my life, but then decided not too and kept the happiness that quote gave me to myself. I made some mistakes in the past that if I had read that then, I would have probably not made. But now it is my new motto because people are quick to judge and put you on a shelf, anything unknown to them will immediately be labeled as 'psycho' or 'weirdo' and it's insanely painful to be called either of those things when all you're trying to do is to understand. Sometimes I feel like I give people too many second chances. Oh they must have been having a bad day so they were grumpy and short with me, Oh they must have been in a hurry and didn't mean to say that...But then a friend of mine said to me, it's great that you think that way but do you get the same in return? And no, I don't. One mistake and I'm labeled for life. One sentence said in a bad mood and suddenly all your high school friends are gone. But I don't care, everyone makes mistakes and if people will find any reason to call you on it like that then clearly they weren't intending on being there for you in the first place. It's a shame how fake people can be, I really don't see the use of it. 

Out with the old, in with the new. I'm not wasting time on people who are unhealthy in my life. I have no time for negative comments or hurtful text messages or backstabbers. It's a new year and I deserve to be happy. Congratulations for reaching this far.

I'm off to meet a wonderful person for dinner, till I update again x

photograph taken by Christine J. Wilson.